Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Perra is Spanish for "bitch"....

...and that's what I'm calling Blogger these days.

"Perra". Kinda catchy. I just lost ANOTHER post I spent about 30 minutes writing. And given my weakened emotional state; I just don't have it in me to write it all again. Anyone want to guest-blog for me? That would be cool.


Pre-emptive strike

Okay, I'll just say this & never bring it up again. If any of you ever notice me getting stupid over someone; stop me. I refuse to give up any more of myself to un-deserving people. Thanks.

Monday, September 27, 2004

It was just a dream....it was just a dream....it was just a dream....

.....it was just a dream.

Ok, have you ever had one of those dreams where you wake up & you first think that what you were just dreaming was real? I had one of those last night. Freaked me out. I was dreaming that I was in my bed (which I was) having a conversation with him & in my dream he asked me if I knew the difference between dreams & reality. I woke myself up answering him & was completely surprised he wasn't there. And when you have a dream like that; you carry it with you all day. You carry the FEELING of it all day. And that would probably be a good thing usually assuming the dream was good. But all it did was remind me that most nights; I'm sleeping alone. I SO need to be dating someone that at least lives in the same county as I do. Hey, Johnny! You're just across the river!!! We should talk.

Anyway, my team is ahead. My boyfriend, Dante, went above & beyond; which I knew he would. Had to play my back-up defense since the Panthers are on a bye. St. Louis just sucks. No bones about it. That defense couldn't play their way out of the proverbial fucking paper bag if they had to. Am I bitter about it? Hell, yeah! I only picked them up because it was 14th round and there was noone left. I went into this w'end #1 in my division, but the guy I'm playing has Testaverde who is playing tomorrow. I will be there (Thanks Derrick for the tickets) so I will be personally sending all my bad karma to him. If you see some blonde chick in the crowd pointing alot & working spells; that's me. Although, I'll be on Club level; which in Redskin speak means fucking nosebleed. And the cameras don't go up that high. It kills me that my Ravens tix are 23 rows up behind the 5 yard line with a $44 face value; and the Club seats at Redskin stadium are halfway up at $81. So I wouldn't be going if I had to pay. Whatever. And the biggest thing happening in Landover is watching Dan Snyder's helicopter land. Raven's games are so much more fun. Right in the middle of Inner Harbor in Baltimore. Righteous.

I wrote a whole thing about hurricanes & how you too can survive them, but Blogger lost it. I lost my will after that. No worries though. Had a manicure & pedicure today and DAMN my nails are pretty!


Sunday, September 26, 2004

It's a sad day....

Yes, my Tigers lost. They lost BIG. They actually played the game the first half & apparently they all left for vacation to Fiji during half-time & put in community college rejects for the second half. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. I haven't talked to Cecil or Bill yet, but I'm sure they both have choice words.

I got off work at 10 tonight. New schedule for me & I'm just not use to it. Off work at 10 on a Saturday night? I went, I saw, I conquered. Carl has promised to write about it.


Saturday, September 25, 2004

Dear Football God:

Please shine your light on my Clemson Tigers tomorrow when they face-off with Florida State. FG, my Tigers are weary. They've lost two in a row & I fear for their Bowl chances. I also fear for the mental state of Dad Cecil, Mom Pat, Uncle Bill, and Sister Paige if they lose again. I know it's alot to ask since it's Father Bobby playing Son Tommy. You gave it to us last year after years of FSU beating our ass. Can we have just one more win against them? Please? I would be eternally grateful.

Worshipping you in advance,

Friday, September 24, 2004

Hah!!! I was right all along.....

Ok, this was Monday. I was supposed to pick him up to go to dinner. (And, yes, I'm still seeing him. I know, I know. I'm an idiot. I just can't help myself. I love him. What more can I say?) The restaurant was a mile from his place, and since I was going to stay there that night; it just made more sense for me to drive there as opposed to him picking me up & having to fight traffic in the am to bring me home going in the opposite direction of his work. ANYWAY....I'm thinking 15 mins. tops to get there. So after I sit in ONE F'ING SPOT for 15 mins. watching various emergency vehicles go pass me; I make a u-turn & try an alternate route which gets me there in about 30 mins. All said; it took me about an hour to make a 15 min. drive. And have I mentioned that I hate to drive? I live 5 mins. from where I work. I basically plan my career around short driving times. So I walk through the door crawling out of my skin & the first thing he says to me (because he KNOWS me) is, "Sweetheart, patience is a virtue." Oh, you poor mis-guided soul. Patience is not a fucking virtue, because if it was, I would have it. Because I am incredibly virtuous! (I got over it. Dinner was great, sex was great, 13 min. drive home next morning was, well, great.)

Patience, by definition, is "the capacity, habit, or fact of being patient". Patient, by definition, is "1. bearing pain or trials without complaint, 2. showing self-control". So, actually, the saying should be, "Suffering is a virtue". And by the way; I did a little research. The saying, "Patience is a virtue" came from Ambrose Bierce' "The Devil's Dictionary" (1911) which says, "Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue". Key being DISGUISED as a virtue. Tell the truth. All the times in your day-to-day life that you "think" you're being patient; are you not actually suffering? Standing in line at the bank at noon on a Friday with only one teller; are you being patient or are you suffering?

Thanks for letting me vent. I guess you can just bill me. I may or may not pay. Checks in the mail. Just be patient.

I'm deeming Thursday's the day I bitch about quotes that drive me crazy. Be there or be square.


Thursday, September 23, 2004

Happy Birthday, Sunshine!

Chris is one of my best friends & today is his birthday. He doesn't read me (for whatever reason) but I just wanted to send Birthday love out to him. And ladies; he is quite a catch. Smart, sensitive, funny. Tall, blonde, and handsome. Also, an incredible golfer. (Handicap: 3) It's true. I find it hard to believe; but he is actually single right now. Our friends ask me all the time, "Scarlett, why aren't you doin' the nasty with Chris?" to which I have to say, "Start sexin' it up with YOUR brother & I will." Seriously, I am very lucky to have found such a great friend. He just hates it; but he has listened to so much chit from me. And he's still there. Amazing. I envy the woman that he ends up with. He will treat her like a queen; and she will be such an incredible woman; she will treat him in kind. Happy Birthday, Baby!

Football: Did ya'll see the pretend TD by T. Owens Monday nite? I love him; but, that was not a freakin' TD. Never, No How, No Way!!! He had possession for about 1 second before he started falling. Mark my words. That play will go down as one of the biggest f-ups of the season. As far as refs are concerned.

Also: Martha Stewart starts her sentence Oct. 8th. After that, she will be under House Arrest for five months. I'm sure she won't be able to find anything to do THERE! I mean; after she re-decorates, plants a garden, and invents 45,001 new recipies; she's going to be bored as hell! Then she'll KNOW she's been punished! (Is my sarcastic tone shining through? I worry sometimes that I'm not being clear.)

I hate to talk politics: But I was reading an article in the Post today about Kerry's alleged "meetings with the enemy" in Paris during Viet Nam. It reminded me that I read something about Jane Fonda in the past year that I had never heard before. (Kerry-Fonda...just humor me) I always heard her nickname from the 60's: "Hanoi Jane". And I just knew the basics. She had gone to Hanoi to visit POW's as her way of showing force against the war. The article I read had her getting little slips of paper from the POW's telling everything from how they were being treated to how to tell their families that they were alive. This report said that when she was leaving; she turned all the "notes" over to the commander of the prison camp. Subsequently, all men that had attempted to pass notes were beaten. And I can't quite remember how many levels there are in Hell according to Dante; but I'm sure Jane will stumble across one or two of them. Just a thought.

Scrapple: Someone please tell me what this is.


Saturday, September 18, 2004

Search & Recovery

I personally use Sitemeter to track my site. I always find it funny to see the search words people used that ended up here. I DON'T want to meet the person that searched "how to gleek spit". First of all, how is it you don't know how to spit? And second of all; why do you need to know how? Is there someone you hate so badly; you're doing research on how to properly spit on them? Are you trying to teach someone how to spit on you? I don't get it.

I DO want to meet the person that searched "white southern booty". Even though I'm from SC; I've never actually met a tobacco-chewing, Bud-swilling, Confederate-flag-waving, rusted-out-pick-up-truck-driving, dog-kicking, wife-beater-wearing guy. I'm just curious what one would look like in real life. So I can throw darts at him. And I'm pretty good at Darts.

On another topic; one of my regulars is a guy who is an accountant with USAir. Who just filed for some form of bankruptcy (who can keep track of all the ways?). And apparently, the accountants are the only ones going to be able to keep their jobs at their regular pay. How sad is that?

Also: Martha Stewart has petitioned to start serving her time immediately. She doesn't want to wait for the appeal process. She wants to "get it over with & put it all behind her". I've been on the fence about the whole thing; but, do I hear "GUILTY!"? Just curious.

Lastly; can I just say how much it sucks living in the DC area during an election year? When you're just a regular person? When you're just trying to go to work and it takes 15 minutes longer because the two blocks you walk to work from where you parked is littered with people pushing "Vote-for-this-guy!" literature in your face? I've tried, "Je ne comprends pas l'anglais", "No entiendo ingles", and "Ich verstehe nicht englisch" all to no avail. (Please note: I can say "I don't understand English" is several different languages. Because it's been said to me so many times. The only other language I speak half-ass other than English is Spanish. And it's restaurant Spanish. I can ask for more ice & stuff like that.) Attention Annoying-Literature-Pushing-Guy: I'm watching all the shows; I'm reading all the papers. I know what I need to know. Please just let me walk to work in peace! Thank you!


Wednesday, September 15, 2004

I'll miss you Belle!

As with Diablo, it is bittersweet that I say good-bye to Belle. I will miss her site terribly; but am very happy that her talent has been recognized & she now has a book coming out in January! (You can pre-order on Amazon. You can link it from her site.) If you read Belle, I'm sure you're as sad as I am that she's leaving. If you've never read her, you must go there straight-away and read EVERYTHING. She is brilliant.

Hey, has anyone seen "Ground Zero"? It's a documentary on HBO right now about 9/11 & baseball. I didn't think I could emotionally handle one more thing about 9/11; but this is really good. And I'm not even a Yankees fan. I'm a Derek Jeter fan. He could be the guy that slips those annoying "restaurant's-that-deliver" flyers under my door; and I'd still be a fan. Sappy, sappy, I know. But DAMN he's cute! Paige (my sis) is a HUGE Derek fan. She illegally (meaning she snuck in) attended one of the World Series games last year in Florida to see him play. Not only did she & her friend find good seats; they sat behind a couple of members of "Twisted Sister". Freaky, cool things happen like that for her all the time.

SPOILER!! Don't read any further if you haven't seen the season finale of "Six Feet Under".

Am I to assume?:

1. George really is a fucking lunatic
2. Claire is going to hook-up with "I-want-to-kiss-my-sister-again" Billy for the long run
3. Lisa was killed by her brother-in-law because he loved her
4. Brenda is not a sex-addict anymore & is going to be Nate's wife & have his child
5. Keith is going to be whats-his-name's bodyguard which will just lead to them having an affair (which will be love-hate) at which point David will commit suicide because he just can't handle ONE MORE ISSUE and I will be forced to order Showtime.

Did I miss anything? I purposely left out the whole Rico "saga" because I found that whole plot line kind of boring. What is HBO bringing us next? "Sex in the City" is gone. "Sopranos" isn't due to appear again in, what, 4 years? lol PLEASE! No more "Carnival"!!!!

Please pray for Clemson this w'end when they play Texas A&M in Texas. And if (I hate to say it) Clemson loses; please pray for my Dad (Cecil) and my Uncle Bill. I don't know how they'd handle another loss after the whole Georgia Tech fiasco.

Ok...got my cough syrup in my hand. Freaky dreams for me in about 10 minutes.


Sunday, September 12, 2004

I LOVE YOU, Dante!!!!

Passes for 5 touchdowns???? I have a whole new religion! Seriously. No, I mean it. And if Carolina defense performs tomorrow; I'm golden. It means I will win this week over the guy that won the entire league last year. I aspire. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.


I'm sure my lung is much cuter INSIDE my body.

OK...I broke down & went to the doctor yesterday. She informed me I have a chest cold. And wouldn't it be cool if a chest cold made your chest bigger?? Unfortunately, it doesn't. It just feels that way. Anyway, now I have official validation for how bad I've felt for the last week or so. Again, I do enjoy my sexy raspy voice; but it's starting to work against me. I mean, I don't want every single guy I talk to thinking this is my voice all the time. It's gotten me alot of X-TRA tips this weekend. But, next week, the same guys may come back and be very disappointed with my regular voice. Even though it's pretty nice, as well. Actually; I don't even care. I've been too busy trying to figure out how to spit after a coughing fit while I'm at work. I'm all about, "A true lady never spits (she swallows)", but according to my doctor; I should be spitting all the bad stuff out. What does she know? She's in a little room all day with sick people. Where it's probably OK to spit.


I was just talking to my little sister who was on her way back to Columbia from Clemson after the Clemson-Georgia Tech game. Save it. I know we lost. Crazy game. 5 touchdowns in the last 81/2 mins???? Fuck me I wasn't there. Anyway, for ya'll not in the know; our mascot is known for being very friendly with the other teams mascot. Whoever it may be. According to my sister (Paige), Tiger started play-fighting the Yellow Jacket & things apparently turned ugly. So ugly; security had to stop the fight!!! I've been going to Clemson home games since I was, maybe, three? And I've never seen anything like that! I remember one Duke game when Danny Ford was still coach. The game was called twice for noise during the first half. During half-time when Duke's band was on-field; Tiger climbed the stairs behind the band leader & wouldn't move for her to get back down so she could lead the band. She hit him in the "head" with her baton & he still wouldn't move! The band is on the field playing, but not doing the formations cause they don't have a leader! I know it's bad; but it was pretty hysterical!!! (Mascot was disciplined; as he should have been. Future mascots have stayed within the rules of good sportsmanship. Just felt I had to give this disclaimer in the name of my AWESOME Clemson Tigers!!)


Please pray for Culpepper & Staley tomorrow. I hope to reap lots of fantasy points from them.

Peace (as much as I know what that means in my codeine-cough-syrup enhanced state)

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Happy Birthday, Darlin'!!

I want to wish a belated Happy Birthday to my friend Rhino. Sorry baby...I was in NyQuil hell for about three days. I hope you had a great time. I want all the details. Really.....I do.


Sunday, September 05, 2004

May I have a tissue?

I have a summer cold according to my friends. Now, I'm one of those people that rarely get sick. And when I do; it's always one of those slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am sicknesses. I'm either incredibly healthy or in the ER with the Asian flu. There's no in between. I haven't been sick in 3 years. I started feeling bad Friday & just assumed it was allergies & double-dosed the Claritin. I've never had a summer cold in my life. So, by Friday night when I'm maybe hacking up part of a lung; one of my friends says, "Wow. That sucks. You've got a "summer cold"." And let me just ask you: What is a summer cold versus a winter cold? Is there a difference? Is a winter cold just defined by the fact that you're more likely to be wearing a turtle neck & that's a convenient place to wipe the snot? In either case; I'm kinda liking my sexy raspy voice; but I would trade out the snot factor in a heartbeat.

Pray for me.


Quickest way to my heart....

....has always been Led Zepplin...

I don't recall telling him that; but I got this email tonight:

"Let me take you to the movies
Can I take you to the show
Let me be yours ever truly
Can I make your garden grow
From the houses of the holy
We can watch the white doves go
From the door comes Satan's daughter
And it only goes to show
Ah, you know
There's an angel on my shoulder
In my hand a sword of gold

Let me wander in your garden
And the seeds of love I'll sow
You know-whoa-oh
So the world is spinning faster
Are you dizzy when you're stoned
Let the music be your master
Will you heed the master's call
Oh-whoa-oh, Satan an' man
Said there ain't no use in cryin'
'Cause it will only, only drive you mad
Does it hurt to hear them lyin'
Was this the only world you had

So let me take you, take you to the movie
Can I take you, baby, to the show
Why don't you let me be yours ever truly
Can I make your garden grow
You know-whoa, that's right"

No message...just the lyrics. Ya know, 15 years ago; these lyrics caused my clothes to mysteriously just fall from my body. I don't get it either. Hey! Remember "Fast Times" & the "Kashmir" scene? Not even quite the same; but funny nonetheless.


Saturday, September 04, 2004

There's the void & then there's the abyss....

...which you've obviously fallen into with that statement. You're falling sassy with arms all akimbo with no one to save you. You're falling into Dante's 3rd level of hell & I couldn't be happier. (My thoughts directed to this guy.....

This guy at my bar tonight was talking about how women should "enhance" themselves so that guys like him will find them more attractive. He looks at me & says, "Come on! You know what I'm talkin' about! I'm sure you've thought about implants. If you got them; I'm sure all the guys would be going crazy over you!"

Dude! #1....my guy thinks I'm absolutely beautiful, and
#2....And most importantly....ARE YOU STUPID???? You're insulting a bartender at her own bar? Don't you know that this is the one place that I; as a bartender; have carte blanche? I say who, what, when, how much, & which dicks to kick out! I normally don't pull rank..but I'm making a special exception!! You are totally and most unequivocally the biggest asshole I've encountered in a LONG time. I'm just sayin'. Don't make fun of my boobs & expect to survive the encounter. Unless you're a friend of mine...which you aren't. Hang your head low, little man, & slink back to the low rock from whence you came.


Guess I don't have to say how much this guy pissed me off...


Friday, September 03, 2004

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K"

Well, at least at the 7-11. I just really loved "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" a hundred years ago & never thought I'd have the opportunity to use that line. And now I do.

I just stopped by 7-11 on my way home & the place was packed. Like Walmart on a Sunday afternoon. With the same kind of people you would find at a Walmart on a Sunday afternoon. It was surreal. And the experience was completed by two derelicts yelling at the cashier. I walked in on the middle of the meltdown & all I know is that it had something to do with a hotdog. A 7-11 hotdog. Apparently the cashier had accidently rung up a "smokie" instead of a "regular" charging the customer 15 cents more; and GODDAMNIT! there's going to be hell to
pay!!!!! "Whatz yo name?? I'm gonna git yo ass fired, bitch!! WORD!!" (Lot's of hand-gesturing & hip-swaying)

WHAT?? Do some people still talk like that? Was Vanilla Ice in the room & I didn't recognize him? And when it was my turn; I saw the poor cashier had tears in her eyes & I just wanted to kick some redneck ass. All 120 lbs. of me. This girl has been selling me Arizona Ice Tea late-nite for 7 years & I know she doesn't have a dishonest bone in her body. And what the fuck does this guy think she cares? It's not like it's HER hotdog she's trying to make extra money on. It's just like when
someone accuses me of short-pouring their drink. Dude!!! It's not MY liquor from MY private stash!! It's not like I'm trying to save myself a dime. Why would I want to short-pour you? (Unless you're a dick, of course. And then, I could think of better worse things to do to you.) It just really pisses me off when I see some asshole using some hard-working person as their emotional punching bag.

Anyway.......I don't really want to jump the gun; but it looks like I may be handing in my notice next week. I feel all giddy just thinking about it!! I've been working since I was 15 & I've been incredibly lucky in that I've always liked the job that I had at the time. I've been down-right miserable these last 3 weeks at my job (of almost 7 years) due to stupid circumstances & it's all new to me to be happy about quitting a job. I keep doing that thing in my head imagining their (her) faces (face) when I hand over my notice. And what's so cool about it, is
that; since I know there's an end to this madness....I am having such a great time at work!! It's like all the pressures off!! I'm not giving off an "I don't give a fuck" attitude cause I don't have to. I genuinely don't give a fuck, so that makes me very happy. The job I have in my sight is going to be so awesome for me. It will require me to do the mad-house, live-music, drunken-scene bartending I haven't done in awhile...but it will be like a breath of fresh air. I'm leaving the business in a few months anyway. I may as well go out with a bang.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CARL!!! I love you mad-science-man!!!!!


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