Monday, August 30, 2010

Drinking In A Bar 101

For you beginners: Here's what you need to know....

1) Your bartender is not your Mother.

We are not here to "help" you through your drinking. When we ask, "Would you like another?", Don't answer with, "I don't know. What do you think?" I think you need another unless you are polluted. If you're polluted, I would have already cut you off and we wouldn't be having this conversation! Get your balls out of your purse, Nancy, and order another drink!

2) Your bartender is not your Spiritual Adviser.

We honestly do not care what path your Moon is on. Sharing this information with us just makes us hate you. The whole time you're telling us about your horoscope & how you should actually be somewhere else right now, we have our own thoughts. About how we wish you were actually somewhere else right now. In front of a firing squad made up of all our bartender friends. Save your New Age bullshit for your therapy group.

3) Your bartender is not your Accountant.

"How much is a beer?" STOP! If you have to ask me this; you need to go home straight away. Do NOT go to a bar if you can't afford to drink! This is not my hobby. I don't aspire to give drinks to people that can't afford to drink & tip me accordingly.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Just a little tip...

When you order a drink in an airport bar and pay with a credit card; leave the signed receipt. If you don't leave the signed receipt; I don't get the tip!! And then your tip karma plummets to the bottom of the universe! Never to be seen ever ever again. EVER!! And no bartender will ever be nice to you for The Rest Of Your Life!!! Do you really want that????

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