Wednesday, February 02, 2005
I am so easily amused.
I know, I know. But it just freakin' cracks me up with some of the hits I get from Google. My favorites from this past week:
1. "southern ignorance" - Ok, the southern part is a given. But, coupled with ignorance....too funny.
2. "girl with sushi on them + pictures" - I've mentioned sushi a couple of times; but, sadly, I have no pictures. I'm guessing I was # 5,047 on this search. How desperate was this guy?
3. "ho" - I got nothin'. I've never used that term. And don't go thinking that some blogger God is just pointing the finger at me; because I am absolutely the least "ho"ish person you'll ever meet.
_____________________
If you are eating at a bar (as opposed to a table) in a restaurant and your food takes longer than you think it should; hold back on that instinct to take your frustrations out on the bartender. Because:
a) We put your order in as soon as you ordered it.
b) You are in a very popular place in the middle of dining "rush hour". Your order
is in line with the other 150 people.
c) I am not the one personally preparing your food. It's not my job; assuming I
have the skills; which I don't; to run back to the kitchen & just "whip it up"
for you.
d) if you want to have it your way as fast as possible; go to fucking Burger King.
I'm venting all this because some asshole yelled at me today because his meal took 10 minutes longer than he thought it should. Buddy, I hate to be the one to tell you; but people without reservations wait up to 2 hours just to get a table here. And that whole "The Customer is always Right" thing went out with toe-socks. Save your drama for the DMV. They love that. If you are somewhat understanding & accept my offer of a free drink, meal, whatever; to compensate for your displeasure (I DO understand your plight) I will bend over backwards to make you happy again. If you choose to be a Dick; you are going to be SOOOOOO thirsty. I'll tell you every few minutes that I'll be right with you for your next drink order. And I'll do that for about 20 minutes. Or until I have some downtime.
Bottom line: Look around at all the other people & take a reality check. You're not the only person in the room.
I guess I should explain that where I work; we rarely get complaints. And I've mentally adjusted myself to that. So, when I get someone that acts like a Dick; it really bothers me. I was still carrying that with me when I got home and found a letter from Citibank. I've never had any dealings with Citibank. Ever. I have one credit card issued through my bank. I only deal in cash but keep it just in case I have some crazy emergency that may involve alot of money. Car issues...stuff like that. And I even eliminated that issue because I've discovered leasing where I can have a new car every three years & Therefore: I should never have any car issues. Anyway, this letter from Citibank tells me that under a new fair (insert legallese BS I don't even understand) act, they are obligated to tell me that my name has been reported to the credit bureau because I have missed a payment. WHAT? I'm going to call in the am, but right now I'm thinking that maybe I am a victim of Identity Theft? And after the day I've had, I'm also thinking, "Take my fucking identity! And the Dickless wonder I dealt with today!"
_______________
Someone please say something funny.
peace
1. "southern ignorance" - Ok, the southern part is a given. But, coupled with ignorance....too funny.
2. "girl with sushi on them + pictures" - I've mentioned sushi a couple of times; but, sadly, I have no pictures. I'm guessing I was # 5,047 on this search. How desperate was this guy?
3. "ho" - I got nothin'. I've never used that term. And don't go thinking that some blogger God is just pointing the finger at me; because I am absolutely the least "ho"ish person you'll ever meet.
_____________________
If you are eating at a bar (as opposed to a table) in a restaurant and your food takes longer than you think it should; hold back on that instinct to take your frustrations out on the bartender. Because:
a) We put your order in as soon as you ordered it.
b) You are in a very popular place in the middle of dining "rush hour". Your order
is in line with the other 150 people.
c) I am not the one personally preparing your food. It's not my job; assuming I
have the skills; which I don't; to run back to the kitchen & just "whip it up"
for you.
d) if you want to have it your way as fast as possible; go to fucking Burger King.
I'm venting all this because some asshole yelled at me today because his meal took 10 minutes longer than he thought it should. Buddy, I hate to be the one to tell you; but people without reservations wait up to 2 hours just to get a table here. And that whole "The Customer is always Right" thing went out with toe-socks. Save your drama for the DMV. They love that. If you are somewhat understanding & accept my offer of a free drink, meal, whatever; to compensate for your displeasure (I DO understand your plight) I will bend over backwards to make you happy again. If you choose to be a Dick; you are going to be SOOOOOO thirsty. I'll tell you every few minutes that I'll be right with you for your next drink order. And I'll do that for about 20 minutes. Or until I have some downtime.
Bottom line: Look around at all the other people & take a reality check. You're not the only person in the room.
I guess I should explain that where I work; we rarely get complaints. And I've mentally adjusted myself to that. So, when I get someone that acts like a Dick; it really bothers me. I was still carrying that with me when I got home and found a letter from Citibank. I've never had any dealings with Citibank. Ever. I have one credit card issued through my bank. I only deal in cash but keep it just in case I have some crazy emergency that may involve alot of money. Car issues...stuff like that. And I even eliminated that issue because I've discovered leasing where I can have a new car every three years & Therefore: I should never have any car issues. Anyway, this letter from Citibank tells me that under a new fair (insert legallese BS I don't even understand) act, they are obligated to tell me that my name has been reported to the credit bureau because I have missed a payment. WHAT? I'm going to call in the am, but right now I'm thinking that maybe I am a victim of Identity Theft? And after the day I've had, I'm also thinking, "Take my fucking identity! And the Dickless wonder I dealt with today!"
_______________
Someone please say something funny.
peace
Comments:
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Well, Joe, if that is your real name; (your profile cannot be displayed. What are you hiding?) I do know of a Cafe STX. :)
I think I am going to post a lot of words that may get weird results if put together, just to see what kind of searches come up.
Some people are just ass holes and would complain no matter what you do for them.
I hope you don't mind my advise but I would get on that city bank thing, I have been a victim of identity teft and it is no picninc.
How is DC? I used to live there, and miss living there, that's one of the reasons I like stopping by your blog. That and you are an excellent writer and have many great stories to tell.
Blue
Some people are just ass holes and would complain no matter what you do for them.
I hope you don't mind my advise but I would get on that city bank thing, I have been a victim of identity teft and it is no picninc.
How is DC? I used to live there, and miss living there, that's one of the reasons I like stopping by your blog. That and you are an excellent writer and have many great stories to tell.
Blue
added to that....
(e) Bitching to the bartender (and having the bartender go back to the kitchen) only makes your food take longer. That 12 top behind your order just got moved ahead of yours in priority. We know you're not going to tip anyway (complainers never do), so there's no reason to give good service at this point.
I couldn't think of anything else creative to add. I also work in a very busy restaurant. We usually go on a 2-3 hour wait on the weekends, and we get a lot of dicks in the bar during the dinner slam. I, however, am in the kitchen. Our bartenders routinely tell us which tickets to take our sweet time on, if you know what I mean.
I found your blog by hitting the "next blog" button, and I was intrigued by the bit about the google searches. Just two days ago, I had a debate with a friend of mine over this. He was getting google hits from "jane pauley foot fetish", and decided to delete his archives because of that. I think the bizarre google search hits are fun. My most recent post is sure to bring some strange hits, but I'll take them.
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(e) Bitching to the bartender (and having the bartender go back to the kitchen) only makes your food take longer. That 12 top behind your order just got moved ahead of yours in priority. We know you're not going to tip anyway (complainers never do), so there's no reason to give good service at this point.
I couldn't think of anything else creative to add. I also work in a very busy restaurant. We usually go on a 2-3 hour wait on the weekends, and we get a lot of dicks in the bar during the dinner slam. I, however, am in the kitchen. Our bartenders routinely tell us which tickets to take our sweet time on, if you know what I mean.
I found your blog by hitting the "next blog" button, and I was intrigued by the bit about the google searches. Just two days ago, I had a debate with a friend of mine over this. He was getting google hits from "jane pauley foot fetish", and decided to delete his archives because of that. I think the bizarre google search hits are fun. My most recent post is sure to bring some strange hits, but I'll take them.
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