Thursday, January 13, 2005
Flying....
....by the seat of my pants, sometimes.
So, I just booked a flight to SC to visit my family. It will be a short visit. Less than 48 hours, as a matter of fact. I was really trying to find a week off next month so that I could visit longer; but it began to look like that wouldn't happen until March. And I am really homesick. Haven't been home in over a year 1/2.
Anyway, I'm completely anal when it comes to flying. I want COMPLETE comfort. Or, as much comfort as I can get flying coach. I want to be in either the front row or the "Emergency Exit" row. Those rows have the most leg room. And if I can get one of those rows, I will sit window. Otherwise, I have to be aisle. And as far as the "Emergency Exit" row goes; I find it totally annoying when the flight attendant makes that special stop to inform us "rebels" that we are in an "Emergency Exit" row & (to paraphrase) "Are you up to the task of saving everyone on this plane should we plummet towards the earth?". Well, YEAH. I'd rather be the one in charge of pulling the handle to open the door as opposed to being the poor fucker in, say, the second row. Who has no clue what to do. And while we're on the subject, why would we be opening the door before we hit the ground anyway? So that we can all jump out because we're wearing pretend parachutes? I was never quite clear on that logic. As far as pulling the handle once we're on the ground; 99% of the time, we're already dead. So it's a moot point.
And I have a huge bitch with turbo-props. Since I mostly fly along the east coast doing short hops, I am forced to risk life & limb in these death traps. I'm sorry. If the difference of us crashing & burning or soaring like a bird is all based on which side of the plane a 300lb. man sits; this is not a real plane. More like a Super Hang Glider. I always feel sorry for that guy. The one the flight attendant approaches & asks if he would mind trading seats with the anorexic. Also, if I can't sit at a window seat without being able to put both feet on the floor side-by-side; this is not a real plane. I get a cramp in my hip everytime I think of how many times I've sat at the window with one foot resting 10" higher than the other because of the curve of the plane. I've flown in 6-seater sea planes I felt safer in.
A final word. I found this amusing:
"NOTICE: Your credit card company may place the words "San Antonio" in addition to the ticket number and carrier name in the
explanation line on your statement related to your transaction with AOL Travel"
Ok. I live in DC. I'm traveling to SC. Where I was born & raised. Then, I'm traveling back to DC via Philadelphia. I've never been to San Antonio. I had a layover at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport once. This escapes me. They "may" place the words? Is it random? Do I win a prize if they do? So much different than me just walking up to the Captain of the sea plane in St. Croix & handing him 60$ cash to fly over to St. Thomas to get sushi.
Maybe I should have titled this post "Part 1" because I have alot of air travel bitches.
peace
So, I just booked a flight to SC to visit my family. It will be a short visit. Less than 48 hours, as a matter of fact. I was really trying to find a week off next month so that I could visit longer; but it began to look like that wouldn't happen until March. And I am really homesick. Haven't been home in over a year 1/2.
Anyway, I'm completely anal when it comes to flying. I want COMPLETE comfort. Or, as much comfort as I can get flying coach. I want to be in either the front row or the "Emergency Exit" row. Those rows have the most leg room. And if I can get one of those rows, I will sit window. Otherwise, I have to be aisle. And as far as the "Emergency Exit" row goes; I find it totally annoying when the flight attendant makes that special stop to inform us "rebels" that we are in an "Emergency Exit" row & (to paraphrase) "Are you up to the task of saving everyone on this plane should we plummet towards the earth?". Well, YEAH. I'd rather be the one in charge of pulling the handle to open the door as opposed to being the poor fucker in, say, the second row. Who has no clue what to do. And while we're on the subject, why would we be opening the door before we hit the ground anyway? So that we can all jump out because we're wearing pretend parachutes? I was never quite clear on that logic. As far as pulling the handle once we're on the ground; 99% of the time, we're already dead. So it's a moot point.
And I have a huge bitch with turbo-props. Since I mostly fly along the east coast doing short hops, I am forced to risk life & limb in these death traps. I'm sorry. If the difference of us crashing & burning or soaring like a bird is all based on which side of the plane a 300lb. man sits; this is not a real plane. More like a Super Hang Glider. I always feel sorry for that guy. The one the flight attendant approaches & asks if he would mind trading seats with the anorexic. Also, if I can't sit at a window seat without being able to put both feet on the floor side-by-side; this is not a real plane. I get a cramp in my hip everytime I think of how many times I've sat at the window with one foot resting 10" higher than the other because of the curve of the plane. I've flown in 6-seater sea planes I felt safer in.
A final word. I found this amusing:
"NOTICE: Your credit card company may place the words "San Antonio" in addition to the ticket number and carrier name in the
explanation line on your statement related to your transaction with AOL Travel"
Ok. I live in DC. I'm traveling to SC. Where I was born & raised. Then, I'm traveling back to DC via Philadelphia. I've never been to San Antonio. I had a layover at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport once. This escapes me. They "may" place the words? Is it random? Do I win a prize if they do? So much different than me just walking up to the Captain of the sea plane in St. Croix & handing him 60$ cash to fly over to St. Thomas to get sushi.
Maybe I should have titled this post "Part 1" because I have alot of air travel bitches.
peace
