Wednesday, July 07, 2004
I'm a Loser...
...or at least 1 degree away from being one.
I know, I know. I'm the last person IN THE WORLD to be curious about the 6 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. When was that even in the mix; about 10 years ago? Anyway, I've spent more time than I care to admit on this and it's driving me crazy I can't find a higher number than 3 for any name I put in. If any of you play this & come up with an actor/actress 4 or over, please let me know so I can get some sleep.
Anyway, I had a huge communication breakdown with someone tonight. If you work with the public, maybe this has happened to you. Someone not from these parts was asking me for something & I could not for the life of me figure out what she wanted. Granted, I am from the South, but I think I've kinda developed an ear for accents other than a drawl in the last 10 years. I lived in the USVI for 4 years (lots of accents) & have been in the DC area for the last 7 where every accent in the world is represented. So, this woman comes to my bar & asks me for a "bat". I think it's rude to tell someone more than twice that you don't understand them, so I do that thing where I'm running every possible word that it could be through my head & I'm just not getting it. The clock is ticking & she's getting more & more frustrated with me. She's saying "A Bat" over & over while doing this charades thing with her hands that doesn't even look like ANYTHING. So I think maybe she really does mean that she needs a bat. And I should just tell her I don't have one. Maybe she needs a bat because someone threatened her & she wants to beat him senseless. Maybe she was so pissed off the O's sucked so bad tonight; she's inspired to go teach them how to bat. And why would she want a bat from a bartender? Did she see an old western movie where all the bartenders have guns & just pull them out & shoot people, so maybe I would have a bat because guns behind bars just aren't kosher anymore? Amazing all the thoughts that can go through your head when you're trying to just please someone and they're screaming "A BAT" at you.
Well, our Spanish-speaking cashier comes over to see why this woman is having a breakdown at my bar & turns out, she wants a "bag". A plastic bag to put her leftovers in. Well, I don't have a bag, either. But the cashier does, & when he tells her this, she looks at me & says something to him that I know contained the words "stupid American".
10 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Didn't I just mention yesterday that the meltdowns that happen in this place are always over something stupid? And kudos to you if you made it this far through this stupid story.
Hey; the only things I'm suppose to be doing behind this bar are looking cute, mixing good drinks, and telling dirty jokes. I tip a lot of people out at the end of the night. Surely one of them is supposed to know where we hide the bat.
Happy Days!
ps to M: did you notice I didn't use the word "fuck" a single time in this whole post? oops
I know, I know. I'm the last person IN THE WORLD to be curious about the 6 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. When was that even in the mix; about 10 years ago? Anyway, I've spent more time than I care to admit on this and it's driving me crazy I can't find a higher number than 3 for any name I put in. If any of you play this & come up with an actor/actress 4 or over, please let me know so I can get some sleep.
Anyway, I had a huge communication breakdown with someone tonight. If you work with the public, maybe this has happened to you. Someone not from these parts was asking me for something & I could not for the life of me figure out what she wanted. Granted, I am from the South, but I think I've kinda developed an ear for accents other than a drawl in the last 10 years. I lived in the USVI for 4 years (lots of accents) & have been in the DC area for the last 7 where every accent in the world is represented. So, this woman comes to my bar & asks me for a "bat". I think it's rude to tell someone more than twice that you don't understand them, so I do that thing where I'm running every possible word that it could be through my head & I'm just not getting it. The clock is ticking & she's getting more & more frustrated with me. She's saying "A Bat" over & over while doing this charades thing with her hands that doesn't even look like ANYTHING. So I think maybe she really does mean that she needs a bat. And I should just tell her I don't have one. Maybe she needs a bat because someone threatened her & she wants to beat him senseless. Maybe she was so pissed off the O's sucked so bad tonight; she's inspired to go teach them how to bat. And why would she want a bat from a bartender? Did she see an old western movie where all the bartenders have guns & just pull them out & shoot people, so maybe I would have a bat because guns behind bars just aren't kosher anymore? Amazing all the thoughts that can go through your head when you're trying to just please someone and they're screaming "A BAT" at you.
Well, our Spanish-speaking cashier comes over to see why this woman is having a breakdown at my bar & turns out, she wants a "bag". A plastic bag to put her leftovers in. Well, I don't have a bag, either. But the cashier does, & when he tells her this, she looks at me & says something to him that I know contained the words "stupid American".
10 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Didn't I just mention yesterday that the meltdowns that happen in this place are always over something stupid? And kudos to you if you made it this far through this stupid story.
Hey; the only things I'm suppose to be doing behind this bar are looking cute, mixing good drinks, and telling dirty jokes. I tip a lot of people out at the end of the night. Surely one of them is supposed to know where we hide the bat.
Happy Days!
ps to M: did you notice I didn't use the word "fuck" a single time in this whole post? oops
Comments:
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I noticed the lack of the F word in your post.......good for you. I'm at a loss as to Johnny's reply. A chimpanzee is MUCH more intelligent than a monkey. Maybe he's insinuating that you're not real bright......I think that he's really confused. I know what a bat is. One, it's a flying mammal that eats mosquitoes, and two, it's an offensive tool used in baseball. Hell, as far as not understanding some of the non-natives, I've lived in the deep South for 68 yrs. and I still can't understand a lot of the people in Eastover, S.C.
Anyway, hang in there and remember; Non Illigitimae Carborundum ( Don't let the bastards wear you down ).
Best regards,
C.... :-)
Anyway, hang in there and remember; Non Illigitimae Carborundum ( Don't let the bastards wear you down ).
Best regards,
C.... :-)
# posted by 
: 9:42 PM
: 9:42 PM
Being as the 24 hour mystery period has worn off,
"In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey"
is the opening riff to 'Loser' by the group BECK [?]
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"In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey"
is the opening riff to 'Loser' by the group BECK [?]
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